Why the F*CK Are You Doing What You Are Doing?
Stop for a moment. Right now. Look around at your life and ask yourself this brutally honest question: Why the hell are you doing what you’re doing?
Are you grinding through another day at a job that drains your soul because “that’s just what you do”? Are you going through the motions of a routine that feels more like a prison sentence than a life choice? Are you living someone else’s definition of success while your own dreams collect dust in the back of your mind?
If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. Most men over 40 find themselves in this exact spot—trapped in a life that looks good on paper but feels hollow on the inside.
Is This Really the Life You Want?
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: You’ve probably spent the last two decades building a life based on what you thought you were supposed to want, not what you actually wanted. You followed the script—get the degree, climb the ladder, buy the house, support the family, accumulate the stuff—and now you’re wondering why it doesn’t feel like victory.
The mortgage payments, the car loans, the expectations from family and society have created a cage made of golden handcuffs. You tell yourself you can’t make changes because you have responsibilities. But deep down, you know that’s just fear talking.
You’ve become an expert at justifying why you can’t pursue what actually matters to you. The problem is, every day you spend living someone else’s life is a day you’re not living your own.
Life Is Shorter Than You Think
Let’s do some math that might make you uncomfortable. If you’re 45, you have roughly 8,800 days left if you live to 80. That sounds like a lot until you realize how quickly days blur together when you’re on autopilot.
Think about the last five years. Did they fly by? That’s what happens when you’re not actively choosing how to spend your time. Years vanish while you’re waiting for the “right moment” to make changes.
The harsh reality is there is no perfect time. There will always be bills to pay, people depending on you, and reasons to stay stuck. But there will never be more time than you have right now.
Your 20s were for figuring things out. Your 30s were for building. Your 40s and beyond? This is when you get to be intentional about the life you’re creating. This is when you have enough experience to know what actually matters and enough time left to do something about it.
The Exercise: Starting With What You DON’T Want
Grab a piece of paper and a pen. We’re going to work through this together.
Step 1: The “Hell No” List
Write down everything you don’t want to do anymore. Don’t filter yourself. This isn’t about being realistic or responsible yet. This is about being honest.
Your list might include things like:
- Sitting in pointless meetings that could have been emails
- Pretending to care about office politics
- Spending weekends doing things that drain you
- Living paycheck to paycheck despite a decent income
- Arguing about things that don’t matter
- Feeling like you’re wasting your potential
- Being too tired to enjoy your free time
- Making decisions based on fear instead of excitement
Keep writing until you can’t think of anything else. This list is your fuel—it’s showing you exactly what you’re trying to escape.
Step 2: Recognize the Limitation
Here’s the thing about running away from what you don’t want: it’s a great starter engine, but it’s terrible long-term fuel.
Knowing what you don’t want gives you the initial push to make changes, but it doesn’t give you direction. You can’t build a meaningful life based solely on avoidance. Eventually, you need something pulling you forward, not just pushing you away from where you are.
This is where most people get stuck. They know they’re unhappy, but they don’t know what would make them happy. They’re clear on what they’re escaping but fuzzy on what they’re moving toward.
The Real Work: What You WANT and WHY
Step 3: The “Hell Yes” List
Now comes the harder part. Write down what you actually want. Not what you think you should want, not what would impress others, but what genuinely excites you.
This might include:
- Work that feels meaningful
- Financial independence
- Time to pursue hobbies or interests
- Stronger relationships
- Better health and energy
- Creative expression
- Learning new skills
- Traveling to places you’ve always wanted to see
- Starting that business idea you’ve been sitting on
- Making a positive impact on others
Step 4: The Critical WHY
Here’s where most people stop, but this is where the real power lies. For each thing you want, write down WHY you want it. Dig deep. The surface reasons aren’t enough.
For example:
- “I want financial independence” → WHY? → “So I can make decisions based on what’s right, not what pays the bills” → WHY is that important? → “Because I want to feel authentic and proud of how I spend my days”
- “I want to be in better shape” → WHY? → “So I have energy to do things I love” → WHY does that matter? → “Because I’m tired of feeling like life is happening to me instead of me actively living it”
The deeper you dig into your WHY, the more powerful your motivation becomes. Surface-level wants fade when things get difficult. Deep, meaningful reasons sustain you through the inevitable challenges of change.
Your Next Move
You now have two lists: what you’re moving away from and what you’re moving toward. The gap between these lists is where your next chapter begins.
You don’t have to blow up your entire life tomorrow. But you also can’t keep waiting for permission to start living it. Pick one thing from your “want” list that excites you most. Choose something that connects to your deepest WHY. Then ask yourself: What’s the smallest step I can take toward this today?
The life you want isn’t going to build itself. And it’s not going to wait until you feel ready. The question isn’t whether you have time or resources or permission to pursue what matters to you.
The question is: What’s the cost of not pursuing it?
You’re over 40. You’ve earned the right to be selfish about your remaining time. Use it wisely.
If you are wanting to build a life of freedom, be sure to get signed up for my weekly newsletter Freedom Over 40. Every week I send out an actionable message like this one.
